One Week Countdown

One week from today I go in for surgery.  I've been feeling well...my appetite is picking back up (most likely because I'm able to taste flavors again!), my digestive issues are starting to disappear, and my fatigue is slowly ebbing.  I've started working out again in an attempt to tone and build muscle before surgery and radiation.  Jillian Michaels' 30-Day Shred kicks my butt...and Brad enjoys watching me and "providing guidance"...which really means laugh at me, I think. :)  Life has returned to normal for the most part.  Brendan is done with preschool (Peggy, his teacher, provided me with many smiles, and some wonderful support, and I'll miss seeing her...at least until Megan starts!)  We play, we work, we clean and mow and endlessly pick up, and we relax and laugh together.  The kids are healthy and happy and life is good.

I've been trying to find that balance between preparing for the next couple of months and not letting it rule the time I have right now with my family.  I've been learning as much as I can about the procedures, talking with survivors about how the surgery, recovery and radiation feels, and trying to mentally prepare myself for the coming months.

Heading into surgery is a very mixed-emotions thing.  It puts me in a place where I'm staring face-to-face with my cancer, simultaneously hoping that everything is as it should be inside my body and fearing that it's not.  I am very lucky, in that I have the ability to mentally shift my focus away from the fearful, and instead concentrate on the positive.  I thank God daily for that ability.  It doesn't mean that I'm not aware of all that there is to be fearful of or that I don't understand all of the horrible things that can happen, it just means that I choose not to listen to that part of me.  The part that whispers to me about my lifelong chances of cancer coming back?  Of not getting to see my kids grow up (isn't that every mother's greatest fear?)  Of not getting the chance to laugh and bicker and love with my husband until we can't see or hear each other correctly?  That part of me goes into the time-out corner to think about what it's done and I shut the door!

 Above all, during this time, I've been recognizing my blessings.  I love so many people and am so very grateful for their presence in my life.  So many people have made my life richer and I pray that you all know that you have.

I'll continue to post updates when I can, and Brad will fill in for me when I'm not able to.   Lots of love to you all!

The Future:
Looks Beautiful.