Finding My Footing

Is anyone tired of hearing me talk about cancer and all that I'm learning from it?

Are all your hands raised? (It's a little hard to see from here!)  :)

I strive to find a balance between appreciating and writing about the every-day things, and appreciating and writing about the lessons I'm learning.  Writing helps me continue to process everything, and it also keeps those lessons in the fore-front of my mind.  It keeps my appreciation present, instead of receding into the background, as those days of active treatment stretch farther and farther away.

I'm still finding my footing.

I've found that this period of calm after all of the flurry of treatment has been the most difficult, in some ways.  Initially, in the calm, you're not quite sure of what to do with yourself.  You've changed, with all that you've gone through.  And I choose to believe that I've changed for the better.  You slowly start to find your footing again...one foot at a time.  Each 3-month follow-up appointment behind me is a big footstep forward.  Making peace with the body changes and the daily discomforts is a big footstep forward.  Time is a big footstep forward.  Time has helped lift that burden of fear that settles on your shoulders-- with no doctors appointments to race to, no upcoming treatments--and time places is firmly into a closet...where it only peaks out occasionally.  You have to take your future back into your own hands.  Those are all steps I'm happy to have behind me.

It's been two years since I was diagnosed.  Two.  Years.  Wow!

My kids are older and they've started asking more questions.  Deeper questions.  Brendan came home from school about a month ago and quietly asked me if I could have died from cancer.  We talked about it a little bit, and in the end he seemed satisfied that all was still good and well in his world.  I oftentimes catch Megan and Emily playing doctor or dolls and cancer is just a part of what they incorporate into their imaginary world.  It usually involves shots and time away from their doll families.

But the mom (always the mom!) always comes back.

The Future:
Looks Beautiful!